My DH and I love to travel. So it's important that Beatrice start learning now how to endure our sing-a-longs, fights over the air conditioner, and DH's preference for talk radio.
I'm happy to report she's already successfully completed her first mission - a road trip to visit my brother and his family in Ottawa over the weekend. Five hours each way, she managed to sleep through most of it, and was a model puppy at the pit stops - happy to sniff her way around, and be scooped up into the arms of several strangers without biting a-one.
Once in Ottawa, she let the kids drag her around and test her ability to fetch balls of all sizes. She also learned how to play with my brother's golden retriever, whose paws were as big as she was! But they really enjoyed each other, and between the dog and my two nephews and niece, I barely saw her.
As for my visit with my brother, there was only one uncomfortable "talk." And it was spurred on by the movie UP!
On Saturday, the weather was horrible, so the whole family trekked out to the movies to watch the 3D version and eat enough popcorn to make my one nephew ill (until the chocolate came out after dinner of course). I was a bit nervous about the movie because I had already heard from several bloggers that it should come with an "infertility sadness" rating. Though it's only a small part in the movie, it's pretty realistic. Even DH said to me afterwards, "Man, you can't get away from this stuff."
So Saturday night after being sated by sushi - while the kids were wrapping Beatrice up in blankets and generally testing her patience - DH and I and my brother and his wife started to chat about the movie. Now, I've never ever EVER talked to any of my three brothers about my infertility. So I was a bit surprised when my brother asked me how I felt about the one part in the movie.
I was so shocked. I mean, my family is pretty open with one another, but infertility is just not something I talk about - even with my mum and we're super tight. So I just sort of started babbling about how now that the laparascopy was done that we were just going to take a "wait and see" approach and not pursue any other options. And then he said: "You know, it's okay to mourn this."
"I'm pretty sure I already have," I said with a happy lilt in my voice. Now, most days I have a pretty good handle on things, but I can't say I've mourned anything. That night, I managed not to cry, and we just moved things along - nothing to see here officer.
In a way I'm glad he knows now. The pink elephant got a little smaller. I felt the same way after I updated my SIL a few days after my laparascopy for endometriosis. Of course, I didn't really need to tell her we had problems. We've been married for almost four years, and we ain't spring chickens. But it was good to let it out. I had thought about sending everyone an email just to say, "hey, this is where we are. If anything changes, we'll let you know" kind of thing. But at this point, I'm pretty sure that even if I haven't said it, it's been filtered down by my mum.
Whatever happens, I have a much better idea what maternity leave is like. A puppy definitely isn't a baby, but it's pretty close. There are early mornings, crash-and-burn naps, and constant supervision of the plants and the cats to keep me busy. Ah, finally an outlet for my mothering pangs...
On a side note, a few people have asked how to reach me. Feel free to email me anytime at sdimitra@gmail.com. Have a good night everyone!
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I'm glad that your family is compassionate and were open to sharing and being shared with. I often wonder what people have thought of us over the last 11y. Whenever people asked about kids, we always said "We will be happy whenever we are blessed" or "Yes, we are trying" if they were nosy. Year after year, no baby... Did they talk about us as infertile? I dont know. We dont really open up about the struggle unless it comes up; we dont hide it but it isnt out there for everyone. For most people, I wonder if they just think "oh it happened for them" or if they think "they must have used fertility treatments". I dont know.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that movie had an infertility scene. And I think you handled yourself well seeing as how you were put on the spot. Gulp. At this point my mom thinks I am trying to cope and adjust to a childless life. She hates to even bring up the issue. It's awesome that you have a pretty close family, even if you typically don't discuss this issue with them. And finally, I have to say, YAY for little Miss Beatrice! What a good girl!
ReplyDeleteHaving a puppy IS like having a baby. I remember just trying to grab sleep whenever I could, and eventually laying on the floor in the living room with the dog leashed to my leg just to get some shut-eye!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got to talk to your brother about IF without being the one to bring it up, and that he was so sweet about it. "It's okay to mourn this" - I've never heard anything that compassionate from anyone I know. It sounds like he is a very sensitive person.
I wonder if people (other than family) back home talk about me being infertile sometimes. I know how the grapevine works and how my mom likes to talk... Luckily, I don't see those people anymore, but it does kinda sting to think there are some who pity us and discuss us over the dinner table.
Glad Beatrice behaved herself.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't heard about the movie UP, thanks for the warning.
I think it's great that you were able to talk even briefly about your struggles with your brother. We have been very open with our family and friends about our infertility. At times I've regretted being so open, but most of the time I'm glad that we've done it.
That was a really thoughtful thing for your brother to say. It sounds like he's one of those rare people that "get it" without having gone through it.
ReplyDeleteSandra, those conversations are really tough. Even if now you feel lighter that the know. Of course we all know there's nothing to be ashamed of but still (why me?). I think your brother wanted to let you know that he's there if you need to talk to him. And so are we. Love, Fran
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